one step heavy, two steps high.

she has to know that jennie understands, the sole reason for her even going is to make sure that the younger doesn’t get into too much trouble. believing that the other is quite prone to it, attracts it even– and between them, she’s the more reasonable one. the kind to never stray from the safe path. she’d never say that out loud, of course, but it is obvious enough. or so she thinks.

reasonable yet curious. house parties do not exist in her sphere and the closest thing would have to be an evening of watching movies with a couple of friends. it gets wild once the pizza arrives. this time, she’s been promised an evening of music and new acquaintances. “it will be chill.” that’s the keyword. the catchphrase. the thing that drew her in and had her nodding her head. “chill” has to mean that she wouldn’t have to worry about her chromesthesia getting triggered. it’s no fun bearing witness to a light show that only she is privy to.

but those flashing, multicolored lights became the least of her problems when the angry red ones that topped police cars entered the scene. she expected this, almost instinctively, the moment they set foot in that house. the music hit her like a slap to either cheek, but the crowd behind them offered no means of escape. instead, they got pushed further and further into the fray. it was far from how she pictured her night going, but haneul would  be lying if she didn’t admit that there was a thrill to it. enjoyable once she got used to the side effects of everything being a little too loud. her ears were used to either silence or soft music and this was foreign. nearly alien.

then came the tablets of varying hues, imprinted with symbols which she thought were cute. one could easily mistake it for candy, be tempted enough to pick one up and taste it. or take a red one from an attractive stranger’s lips only because they reminded her of someone sorely missed. she laughed off the encounter, laughed until unfamiliar sensations began to take over. the noise grew louder, the people were moving faster. too fast– was that her heart doing leaps? yes. yes it was. a hand reaches out to her and she grabs it without hesitation, allows it to pull her from beneath something heavy and unmoving. it toppled over with a thud, but she was being taken away from it before haneul could even check to see what it was.

the crowd had significantly thinned, dispersing in every direction, shouting incoherently at the uniformed people who surrounded the yard. she hears jennie’s voice above the clamor and moves towards it. pushing past throngs of dazed revelers, ignoring the flashes of electric blue that’s competing for what remains of her vision. she grabs the other girl’s arm as soon as she was within reach, moving– falling– into the shadows as the house gets overrun with more of the police. “is it getting really hot or is it just me?” she stops, presses a couple of fingers upon her wrist and feels for her pulse. it was racing. skipping. dancing. “how fast can the heart go before it goes boom?” 

^{She finds her friend, finally, who seemed to be in a bit of a haze. Her eyebrows bounces, lids dropping to only a portion of her vision peeking through in suspicions of substance filling her system — invading her mind. It’s the first thing that comes to mind because this was familiar, and it quickly gives her flashbacks to the parties, all the times spent back in the sparsely populated islands of New Zealand where she was raised and had been accustomed to. It reminds her of how much has changed in her life, having to adjust to a culture so strict and implementing of morals, values that she was a stranger to. For all she knew, she could still be wrong and Penny truly was ailing rather than not feeling like herself like she speculates.}

^{A hand becomes slumped over her shoulder, assisting the female that hurtled into her arms as the world rushes by in a blur. She was talking but Jennie wasn’t sure what she was saying. In her forehead was a crease that formed trying to decipher her words. Penny was soft spoken. Actually, the trainee just always associated soft things when it came to her. This time, her voice was up a notch and to cohere, it vests in an endearing smile to spread across her face.}

_{Boom; the first thing that registers. It stays and rattles her that she starts to walk in deep brooding. There were gestures to accompany her words. Her fingers onto her wrist, Jennie figures she was checking on her pulse — what else would it be? Instead of responding quickly or paying attention to begin with, she settles first with how to get them out of such chaos. She can’t afford getting arrested, especially not when debut was just around the corner, and then dragging along a friend on top of that.} 

_{She might seem it but she wasn’t calm at all. Her heart was thumping violently against her chest and in the whole while that the gathering was electrifying, ironically, it’s only now that she started to break a sweat. Heart. It was something to do with that, she recalls now. "Wait,“ Jennie speaks up after they’ve fast-walked far from the vicinity, standing in place as she held the other with both hands, fingers squeezing her faint arms. "What were you saying? Something about your heart?” She asks with furrowed eyebrows, features painted with worry over her friend’s evident muddled state.} 

_{It sinks in how bad of an idea this was. There were many ways to have fun but the daredevil in her opted to pursue the riskiest of options. She sighs out, unable to express the remorse-filled dismay all meshed into an overwhelming anxiety. After she fans herself with her hand, she rests the back of the same one onto the other’s forehead. Please be okay, please be okay; she chants, as if it’d help with the situation or maybe it was her trying to convince herself she had things under control and this wasn’t her fault when she had her head into the first stages of self-loathing. “Are you okay?” She eventually follows up after the brief moment of existential crisis and it’s said with a series of deep exhales.}