for the past couple of days the continuously growing relationship between the two had been a tad bit too out of it for his liking. for him it felt as if something had suddenly stopped in between them and created unpleasant distance, like the cogs have stopped their smooth turning because of some sort of jamming between their compact creases. it was quite displeasing if he were to be honest, but ironically, for someone who always gave her advice on how to deal with many different types of things, at this moment he didn’t really know how to deal with this situation it in a manner that would benefit the both of then and their friendship. and it was somehow, in some way, a little maddening- he missed her, and he hated it.

he hated it because it shouldn’t have ever ended up like this in the first place. every time she crossed his mind, every time he tried to spark up a conversation with her, he couldn’t help himself but to wonder what exactly he had done down the long line to cause such an impact of collision against their relationship. he’d apologized to her before, for what he had done in the past, for what had said to her before that could have made her feel upset, hoping that things would curl back into the way they were, giving room for more development but it didn’t. and so he’d shrunk back to the way he were, distancing himself from people who didn’t really seem to give much interest into him anymore, as he’d thought would happen. he should have known, right? 

oh, but yet he couldn’t help but dwell on it- dwell on the strain between them that had much pressure on him like never before. truthfully, it fed to his anger, but he couldn’t really display it. even in these moments as she were giving enough for it to pulse and pump through his veins. but he’d averted his gaze from her hand instead, kept himself at bay so he wouldn’t add more to their unspoken problems. if things weren’t like this right now, he would have offered a chuckle, a joke even, but he chose not to peel his lips apart, just in case something else was waiting to slip off his tongue. but that didn’t really last that long, or at least the part where he opens his mouth, because when he did it wasn’t to yell, it wasn’t to insult, or anything along those lines. if anything he’d thought he sounded a bit more hurt, maybe even a little desperate. disgusting. “are you serious right now, jennie?” 

how many times did he have to apologize for that? he’d told her before already, he was under pressure. he was upset, and he was hurt. there was no filter to him during that time and he’d apologized for it. and she knew that, so why was she still bringing it up? why did it still bother her that much? “did it really hurt you that much? i told you i was sorry. i know i can be a complete asshole but i didn’t mean it at all. so what else do you want from me now? do you want me to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness?” his eyebrows crinkled a bit, the foreign feeling of guilt rising in his chest and brought discomfort. with that he heaved a sigh. “i’m sorry, okay? i’m sorry. if you don’t want to speak to me anymore, i understand, i guess.”

_{There was no denying the rift between the two. To her, it was unfortunate. Jennie had many friends, many to engage in small talks or hang out with, but none were like Jiyoung. He’s in a high regard for reasons no one could fill in, and by no level close. The absence of him, even for just a few days, was a loss to the female. Left and right, she’d made assumptions. To the side of her that’s inclined to pessimism, there’s already a conclusion. They were drifting and she was letting it be.} 

_{She’d spent days condemning herself, conscious whether she truly was neglecting friendships. It’s even worse of a situation when it’s the closest people to her reacting in the form of keeping distance and she wasn’t sure if it was only exclusive to her. It wasn’t new as it has happened in the past and in the occasion that it did, no one had turned their backs on her completely. If anything, people came and gone for other unrelated reasons, many of which she wasn’t responsible for or had no control over. Parts of her dismissed it; on one hand, she was convincing herself it wasn’t her fault while the other, selfish as it sounds, was the part that chose her career over everything else at the moment.}

_{The days following the series of self-loathing, she spends still in tribulation, though in another form. Work was treated much like a distraction than a priority as it always was. Sleepless nights come in an all time high which was suffused by activities that normally spreads throughout a day; working out, writing lyrics, revising, going over notes, practicing her parts, and many other things all to avoid the flood of thoughts that ate up hours that was supposedly allotted for rest. Not even Hanbin could help this, not Jisoo, not any of her members. But the time she depleted on such things was working in her favor, she thought. It was working. At least it did until this very moment.}

_{She’s taken aback by the response and she curls into a ball the moment she realizes how guilt-ridden the male was. It hits her tenfold. It crumbles, like wet wood. It spreads an earthy stench, the kind you’d find in a dark bare forest. It leaves a stain, like mud that sticks to her shoes forming footprints where she stepped. And where she stepped was right on his ego. “I wasn’t… serious…” Her voice fades, voice trailing off along with her gaze that bore regret as she’d felt equally remorseful if not more than he did.}

_{Pride is set aside and replaced with a reluctant hand offering a pat on his back; the very same one that was raised in mockery just moments earlier. With a lump in her throat, she forces the words out. “It’s fine.” Whether or not it was sincere wasn’t her concern anymore. She’d have answered truthfully that it did hurt her but his state holds her back. She hadn’t seen him like this at all and it’s a first and she could only conclude he was going through so much more than she was. Instantly, she beats herself up for not being able to be there and understand when the male always was for her.} 

_{“I’m sorry… no,” she says in between shaky breaths with lips she chewed down on to suppress its quivering. “You don’t have to do any of that.” Her free hand comes around his shoulder, giving it a squeeze before she leans in for a hug. “I forgive you.” She whispers softly as she tightens the embrace. And it means a lot for someone who valued personal space, for someone who wasn’t a fan of physical affinity despite close familiarity. “I can’t imagine not ever speaking to you… you’re my son.” The nicknames exchanged were meant for jokes but she says this truthfully.} 

_{She pulls away from the hug, hands cupping his arms and shaking him slightly. “I birthed you!” She exclaims with a soft laughter in attempt to ease the tension between them.}