The letter was unexpected as well as the tears that it instantly brings in her eyes, those of which she tried to suppress as much as she could, giving her a headache in the middle of the day. She’d have to deal with that for hours on a typical long day. Preparations made her much more busy than she normally was and it made for friends feeling neglected. 

It was all speculation. Perhaps she was turning into her very own fans that she’d monitor on her spare time; the spare time she feels guilty about now, regretting that she could have been allocating such to giving attention to people and things that mattered more rather than the subconscious security for the criticism she was constantly wary of. It couldn’t be helped. Negativity seemed to trail behind wherever she went despite her every attempt to be optimistic. Though, she knew well enough the first thing she should be trying to do was avoid the feedback that wasn’t in her favor. Of all traits she had, however, what stood out was her stubbornness while envy comes a close second. Everyday she fought with such qualities. She was always at war with her thoughts, her actions — herself.

She would ask herself, does she really owe anything to these people? The answer was always yes. Grateful. That’s what she was of them and she expressed it openly as opposed to the normalcy of her emotions being concealed, sometimes from even those she trusted the most.

Somehow, a part of her resented the very people who held it against her no matter how close they were. And they were the closest. For that reason, the animosity grew stronger. She didn’t like questioning if debut would bring her fulfillment. Six years of waiting isn’t a joke and the fact that it slipped into her mind bothered her even more. It wasn’t just the wait. It was years of hard work and true pain. Members, or rather friends, leaving left and right. She kept justifying it over and over. Finally, she finds something to back it up. The validation for the spite she had been holding onto. 

She reads it a second time. A third. This is exactly why, for the person who was always the voice of reason for many, someone has to be for her. Except the closest she had to that was the same person who told her off unintentionally.

“It’s worth the wait,” she chants. “It has to be.”